Bloody Monday

I'm pretty sure that being mom=being insane about 90% of the time.  When you're not completely annoyed by your children, your scared for their safety.  Being a mom is emotionally draining.  There are some things that I am really relaxed about.  There are other things that I absolutely go crazy if the kids don't do them the right way which means I have to super micromanage.  For example, getting Noah to go to the bathroom is such a draining experience because he is so oblivious to good hygiene.  He also gets super distracted.  And then he plays in the sink for a half hour.  You can't just say, "Noah, go to the bathroom."  You have to tell him step by 100 steps what to do.  All that micromanaging is crazy-making.


The first night with Elise in the hospital, I woke up to her making this loud gagging noise. I looked in her crib and saw she had coughed up all this brown goop.  I was pretty alarmed and called in the nurse.  She said it was nothing to worry about, that it was just blood and gunk she has swallowed before delivery and should clear up soon.  She told me that I should be on the lookout if it's bright red.


Well, last night while I was nursing Elise at 1am, I took her off and noticed a small, bright red blood clot that had come out of her mouth.  I woke Mark up and he didn't think much of it.  Then she spit up this huge bright red blood clot and tinted red fluid all over me.  I freaked out.  Mark was still pretty calm and looked up some doctory things on his ipad while I made calls to various nurses hotlines.  He thought the blood was probably maternal from cracked nipples but I wasn't convinced since I didn't feel or look cracked or like any blood was coming from them.  All the nurses I talked to were pretty alarmed and they all told me to take her in.  That was the worst car ride ever (right up there with the time I had to drive Noah to the ER for cutting his head open after falling 4 ft into a window well of someone's backyard).  In the ER, the doctor came and confirmed Mark's finding and was pretty unalarmed by the whole thing.  He said it came from me even though it didn't seem like it.  I finally got home around 4am, got Elise to go back to bed at 5am, and got a couple hours sleep. 


Obviously I was pretty frazzled this morning but had A LOT of phone calls to make. (we are having major issues with insurance crap right now.  I was on the phone for 3 solid hours this morning and still don't have things figured out).  So Mark had the kids downstairs with him watching some cartoons.  He looked over at Maren who had been picking her nose.  She had blood all over her face and running down her neck and stomach.  He rushed her up to the tub to clean her off.  She was pretty unphased by the whole thing. 


I think the point of all of this is that there are so many emotions wrapped into being a mom (or a parent really) that it drives you insane.  As a kid, I could never understand why my mom was so worried about seemingly small things (ie, "why can't I stay out with friends all night?!?"), but now I understand. 

What is this crazy thing called love?

Noah and Maren at Mark's graduation

Elise, 2 days old

Holland Beach on Lake Michigan

Maren, in our new apartment in Michigan

Elise, 1 day old.  I like this picture because it looks like she's screaming her head off.  But she wasn't, it was just a big yawn.