For the last few months I have been really working hard to be an even-keeled person. Being responsible for 2 squirmy kids, our home, (my husband, sometimes), our resources, and my own personal endeavors really takes its toll on me.
Sometimes I want to scream and kick and cry and punch and throw things. (Don't worry, I never actually throw my kids.) But I don't like the person I am when this itch to act out actually happens. Actually, I don't even like that "itch."
What do you do to avoid the "itch"?
Here are some things that have really been working for me:
Before you get mad:
- Start your mornings with a prayer. Specifically pray about this particular issue. I don't care what your beliefs are--do the equivalent. I think this preemptive strike against losing your temper is a really important step.
- Be organized, have a plan--but be flexible so you don't freak out if things aren't going as planned (a big trial for me!). I have to have something planned for my kids and I to get out of the house everyday about the same time. The more organized I am in the morning, the smoother things are--and then I have time to deal with other peoples' shenanigans.
- Be creative. For me, the most consistent source of my frustration is 3-year-old. He needs attention all of the time. Sound familiar? So I came up with a few different things to help out our relationship. One includes an activity list of things we can do each day when Mark gets home. Noah has to pick a different one each day so that Mark and I don't get bored with them and so that we can give him the attention he needs. When Noah gets the attention he needs, he's happy, I'm happy, we're all happy! until bedtime... ("no! I don't want to go to bed!!!!")
When you get mad:
- Limit complaining. A little venting is probably okay. but the longer I complain about something, the longer I feel mad. Sometimes I get madder. Getting over things quickly helps me to have a blank slate so bad feelings don't build up. (which leads to losing my temper)
- WORKOUT!!! seriously, this is the best thing to do after getting mad. Today I found out that someone tried to blow up our car. I was pretty mad and shook up about it. I forced myself to workout after getting the kids to bed. I feel so good. yes, a little annoyed, a little scared. But not mad anymore.
When you do lose your temper, don't beat yourself up. Say sorry to involved parties and strengthen your resolve.
Hope y'all are doing good, happy face.
6 comments:
Holly! I know you are a great mom! Thanks for some good advice! You know you have to post some more about your car, right?! You can't just leave us hanging with that!
I feel like I'm about to lose my patience a whole lot. I find it reassuring that you also find taking of care of three boys (you thought I meant William Barker, but I was actually thinking of my slightly bigger boy named husband :D), a house, tight finances, etc. etc. to be challenging. I don't know if I have as comprehensive a list as you do to deal with it. I should think about it.
Speaking of lists, I still want to get a copy of that one you use with Noah. I think it's brilliant.
Thanks for the realistic and reassuring post. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who wants to run around my house throwing things. And I love your advice on how to deal with it. It's very similar to the things that I have realized for myself.
I agree with Jessica. More info about the car please?!?
I took the "we're going to try not to shout" approach. I remind Kit to listen and obey, and not shout at her bother. I also told her that mommy is going to try not to shout either. So we're working together on listening and keeping our cool. It helps that I thank her for listening. That way she knows I recognize that she is trying, and she gets a positive reinforcement. It's interesting to think you are exactly 3 months behind with kids. Meaning Noah is 3 months younger than Kit and Meren is 3 months younger than Tristan. Don't worry the closer Noah gets to four the easier it seems to be. The blow ups are bigger with Kit, but they are farther between.
Holly,
I want to reinforce your idea of prayer and asking for help. I know the Lord answers prayers, especially that one.
Who wants to blow you car up and why?
The past year has been a VERY challenging one for me. I just went through some of the hardest months of my life. I honestly thought I was going to LOSE MY MIND. I had visions of my husband having to put me "away" somewhere and not being able to take care of my son. It was terrible - but led to some GREAT blessings, as is always the case if we are just patient and believe.
During this time a chain of tender mercies led me back to my study of Buddhist meditation. I started meditating every single day and through prayer I learned that it is something that FOR ME I cannot go with out. My mind, heart and body need that time to just relax, be calm, be instructed and to heal. I have written A LOT about meditation on my amychangingamy.blogspot.com blog if you are interested in learning anything more about it but basically I cannot function properly with out 1. prayer, 2. scripture study, 3. meditation (which is very closely related to both those things) 4. proper health and 5. exercise.
So anyway, that's my 2 cents. Look into it and try it. I think you really get a lot out of it.
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