Today I am a bit emotional. Some friends of ours just gave birth to a baby girl a few days ago. There were complications. She passed away yesterday. The father wrote the most amazing things about the experience here. (For those of you I know from Cleveland, I am talking about Jared and Miranda Livingston).
Mark's close friend from college (he grew up with him as well) also had a baby a few weeks ago. He was born at 5 1/2 months and didn't make it.
I'm so grateful to have my babies with me on earth. I know many people don't. I am trying, and it's hard, to stay grateful even when Maren can't sleep at night. Or when Ellie wants to eat at 2 am. or when Noah runs into my room at 6:30 am because he wet the bed through his diaper. Some day they won't be so dependent on me and I will miss it. I know I will.
Obviously, parenting has been on my mind a lot recently. I read my first-ever parenting book this month. I use to vow that I would never read a parenting book. and I probably never will again. The author had many good insights but then he would throw in a bunch of garbage. I've heard about things from other parenting books too, and I'm just not impressed.
So I came up with my own parenting goals:
- I will not withhold praise from my kids out of fear that they'll think my love is conditional. Neither will I withhold praise from them for coming in second or last place or for performing beneath the world's standards of success.
- I know I will become frustrated and disappointed with my kids. I will do my best to show it in constructive ways, rather than destructive ways.
- I will apologize to them when I make mistakes.
- I will not strong-arm them to do things for the sake of "because I said so"
- I will be flexible and accommodate them when possible
- I won't make my kids "earn" my love, and the things that come along with it.
- I will challenge them to do hard things when appropriate
- I will help them to do things for themselves, but I won't make them do everything for themselves just because they can
- I will continually improve my ability to spend quality and quantity time with them
- I will do my best to live the life and values that I want them to have.
I have found that the best guide for being a parent is the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost knows each one of us and knows how best to respond to each situation and child. No parenting book can compare to this great resource. Prayer is a must. Scripture study is a must. I will look to great examples of parents in the scriptures. I will peruse talks from church leaders on the subject--like this one. And at all costs, I will avoid the worldly advice on how to raise my kids according to one method or another.
I'm so thankful for the gift of the Holy Ghost and for the gift that my children are to me. Here's to midnight snuggles, the neverending "hey mommy"s, crayon on the carpet, sticky fingers, sloppy/ snotty/open-mouth kisses, tiny giggles, hysterical tantrums, and especially the "you're the best mommy/daddy!"s.
3 comments:
I love this advice, Holly. I am on board with your parenting advice. Inherent in much of what you say, though not explicit that I noticed, was to ensure that my children know I love them and that the decisions I make are intended to be in their best interest, though I do make mistakes. Maybe that is two points? anyway, I like the way you are thinking.
Ditto. It took Mary and I a lot longer to figure this out. The Holy Ghost is the best guide. And prayer asking for that guidance makes a big difference.
You got it. The Holy Ghost is the best guidance, and praying for that guidance makes a big difference.
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